I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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