she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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