smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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