Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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