So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
