You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
