Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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