I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize