can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
