The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
