I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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