You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The uberlube is also flammable
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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