I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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