Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
