So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
