Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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