drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
