Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
