K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
