Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
