How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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