8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
