I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
