3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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