just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
