I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
