His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
