i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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