took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
