shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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