it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
