and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize