we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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