If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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