if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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