My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize