Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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