I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
