Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
