we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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