Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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