Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
