OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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