Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Houston, we have a squirter
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
