So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
