Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
