You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
