Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just want to make out with him forever
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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