Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
