We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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