Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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