She is in my trunk
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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