My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize