My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
