if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
