i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
