I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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