I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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