God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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