He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
