I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
