Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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