So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
