I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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