Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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