My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i believe in u and ur pee
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
