I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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