I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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