she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
